FADE IN
INT. EXAMINING ROOM - DAY
A sterile room filled with medical equipment, a sink and a computer desk. On the walls are framed Mapplethorpe photos in S&M type poses. Seated in the middle of it all is TODD.
TODD
It's funny where my screenwriting inspiration comes from. Somedays it hits me when I am reading CS Magazine on the pot, other days the synapses fire on all eight as I am typing out a completely unrelated scene and I can't wait to finish it in order to get to the new one I just thought of.
DOCTOR GERHARDT VON DEMPMEISTER breezes into the room and plunks a black bag down on the counter. He wears a HASMAT suit sans the helmet, cowboy boots and a monocle over an eye.
TODD
But I keep my ears open for trigger words, sentences, situations, things that kick my mind off in motion and mix with my own embelishments. A writer's forte is to take the everyday mundane minutiae of life and blow it up to unworldly proportions. Make the seemingly boring "high concept."
Doctor Von Dempmeister rummages through his bag behind Todd. The CLINK of instruments and a SQUEAK of a squeeze toy stiffens Todd's attention.
TODD
Take my dentist here. Put me alone in an examining room for fifteen minutes while I wait for my molar to be frozen, and what the hell else is a screenwriter going to think of?
DOCTOR VON DEMPMEISTER
Is it safe?
TODD
What?
DOCTOR VON DEMPMEISTER
(comes around to face Todd)
I said, is it safe?
TODD
How the fuck should know? It's not like anybody is going to accuse me of plagiarism for borrowing off a classic. Hopefully they'll look at it as some sort of homage or tribute... yeah, a tribute, that's the ticket.
Doctor Von Dempmeister stomps his foot on a pedal attached to Todd's chair. The chair tilts backward at the head causing Todd's feet to point at the ceiling.
TODD
My dentist went to school with Robert Knott, who is an actor/writer out in California now. Currently he is teaming with Ed Harris on a Western, this Knott having written the script. Talk about an above average cool conversation we had today about breaking in to Hollywood.
Doctor Von Dempmeister pulls a pair of oddly shaped scissors, a tiny saw, forceps, retractors and gauze out of his bag.
DOCTOR VON DEMPMEISTER
Now Mister Wizenheimer, you will experience a lingering pain in the genitalia area for approximately a week. Please refrain from...
TODD
Whoa, whoa, WHOA... I came in for a crown, Doc, not a briss. What the hell?
Doctor Von Dempmeister stomps on the chair pedal, raising Todd's head.
DOCTOR VON DEMPMEISTER
I wish you had told me before I adjusted the chair. Time is money, you know? I could have done two circumcisions, a stomach stapling and a nipplectomy by now.
TODD
Glad to see that University Of Phoenix online night school is working out for you. Do they have screenwriting by chance?
Doctor Von Dempmeister picks up the circumcision saw and waves it at Todd.
TODD
(puts hands up in surrender)
Okay, okay... anyway, like I was saying, inspiration can come at you from any and all angles. Be prepared to do something constructive with it though. Write it down, use it, change it around and make something cool out of it. Personally, I am using my dental visit today as a prison medical torture scene in an assassin based script I have going...
FADE OUT
Thursday, October 25, 2007
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7 comments:
So...did you get your molar circumcised?
Does your dentist read your blog? I hope you don't pay for this post in 6 months. LOL!
My dentis is easily the devil.
Fucking typos. Dentist!
Matt - yep, he snipped the end off, got a temp put on and the real deal gets surgically reattached Thanksgiving week
Les - he'd love the attention
Pat - I head the typos have a union now
Bastardds.
"Whoa, whoa, WHOA... I came in for a crown, Doc, not a briss. What the hell?"
Now that is comedy.
My dentist had to endure the Oliver impression about a dozen too many times. I've learned that it wasn't him, it was me. Floss more and the pain is reduced by at least seventy percent.
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